I finally had the guts to just say it:  I want to be treated like a lady…I want you to open the door for me, and take my hand as you help me down the steps, and treat me as though you are my protector.  I want the old fashioned, gentlemanly, chivalrous ways, and I know the world says all of that is archaic and not empowering to women, but I don’t care what the world says. I feel loved when you are the gentleman and I am the lady!

I felt really silly, almost ashamed to admit my feelings to my husband.  For years I could not fully pinpoint this desire in me (maybe because I believed I was ridiculous for even wanting it) and therefore I could not articulate what I really, really wanted in our marriage. Plus I have made the mistake of thinking, “If I have to ask him, it feels like I am being demanding and diva-ish and quite frankly ruins the whole thing anyways!”

So how did I finally realize what I needed to express to my better half?  Well, Jerod and I have been married for 18 years, and we have been through marriage counseling and learned so much from our church teaching team…seriously…I can’t imagine where we would be without all of the help we’ve received.  Consequently we take the advice of our Pastor, and for a few days every year we get the heck out of town… just the two of us.  It’s always a struggle to break away from our kiddos, work, ministry, responsibilities with our elderly parents, and so on! Just arranging for the help it takes is pretty stressful.  But oh mylanta!!! Is it ever worth it?! We reconnect, get refreshed and usually have a marriage changing moment!

This getaway we traveled to beautiful Estes Park, Colorado.

On one of our hikes, Jerod got pretty far ahead of me. We were in bear country way up in the Rocky Mountains!  Now to his defense, he is in crazy great shape and I’m….well… not so much! And I know he is bolting ahead as innocently as Tigger bounces ahead of Winnie the Pooh, but I could feel myself getting frustrated.

There it was as plain as day: I may be the most old fashioned person on the planet, but I feel loved when he acts as my gentlemanly protector. And throughout our entire marriage this has been a hot button. I think a lot of it goes back to our family of origin. His Mom is like Superwoman: physically strong, tough, athletic and awesome! I greatly admire her, but I am so different and have different needs and desires. Let’s just put it this way: you’ll never catch me shooting a deer and skinning it and packing it, ummm never baby!!

Honestly the entire trip Jerod was so sweet and such a gentleman that this little incident really stood out! I almost didn’t mention it, but I prayed about it, and I knew I should share my heart with him. It seems so obvious, but nevertheless, I had never clearly communicated these thoughts to him.

We’ve had a lot of counseling sessions through the years to be able to share our hearts with gentleness and love and receive what each other has to say with grace (without jumping on the defense!) We haven’t always been able to dialog in such a healthy way, but praise God, Jerod listened and said, “Thank you for expressing your feelings to me. I want you to feel loved, and I want to know exactly how I can show you that.”

You may not desire the same things as me, but whatever it is that makes you feel loved, identify those things and pray for the way you can express your heart to your spouse.  Accusing, blaming and all of that stuff won’t help, but if you can own how you feel, and share your desires with your mate…you will have a marriage changing moment.

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” Ephesians 4:2-3